Single Parents on films

Interview of a single mother (who saw one of the films about single parenting at the film festival)

Questions asked:

1. How long have you been a single parent?

2. How many kids do you have?

3. Do you work? If yes, part time or full time?

4. Do you get help from anyone to take care of you child/children?

5. Which film from the trinidad+tobago film festival that pertains to single parenting

Did you see?

6. What were your views on the film/s?

7. What in the film stood out to you as a single parent?

8. What did you like about the film the most?

9. What did you dislike about the film the most?

10. Does the film relate to your own life as a single parent in any way? If so, how?

11. After looking at the film, together with your own experience as a single parent, what advice would you offer to other single parents out there?

Answers:

Single Parent #1

1. 5 years

2. 2 kids

3. Yes I do, full time.

4. Yes my mother.

5. Pelo Malo

6. It was a really good film, glad that I got to see it, it raised a lot of issues on parenting and what children from broken homes go through.

7. What stood out to me the most in this film would have to be the way the mother in the film treated her son. As children normally do, they like to play with their mom’s hair and stuff like that, my son does it, in the movie, when the child tried to be close to his mother in any way, she would just push the child away, as if his touch burnt her or something. It was disgusting the way she treated that poor boy, all he wanted was her love and acceptance, but she deprived him of such, which led to him acting the way he did.

8. I loved how the film showed the mother’s struggle to find work and the things that she had to do to get a job, it’s a very real situation that women face on a daily basis, struggling to get a job to make ends meet.

9. Actually I didn’t dislike anything, loved the entire film, very well done.

10. Yes it relates to my life in multiple way, firstly with the struggle for single moms to find and keep jobs while trying to raise their kids at the same time. Also it’s very difficult to see about two children and work full-time, I don’t want to work full time because I wish I had more time with the kids but it’s not an option for me. I have to do what I’ve got to do because I have two growing kids to raise, so I often depend on my mother to help me takecare of them. Sometimes I think, without her help, I really don’t know how I would cope. Single parenting is really not an easy task.

11. The advise that I would offer to single parents is that all children need is love, don’t substitute love with anything else, nothing will ever do the job as love would. I know it’s hard to find time in such a busy schedule but you have to make time for the kids, show them that you’re there, even if they may not see you for most of the day, make some time, somewhere in the day to show them that you are there for them, there to listen about how their day was, what they liked, what they disliked, things like that. It’s really important that you do as it affects the child more than you could possibly imagine.

 Guest Post By Stephanie Rattan

I am beginning to shut down I honestly believe that I am doing too much, but I need to complete my tasks for school and I need to do what is necessary to ensure that my little girl has all that she need and that she does not feel left out.

 

I am almost there with my internship I am so exhausted that I fell asleep a bit yesterday while completing a project for a client. I did what I was supposed to do and completed my work but I know that it reflects poorly on me in terms of that.

 

Working in the night is also taking as toll on me I caught myself sleeping while standing up do not know how I did it but I did. I believe that is truly much for me, I know that as soon as I have completed my internship and I am able to work in the day once more then I would be fine.

 

There are times when I haven’t slept in days because when I pick my daughter up from school my job as a mother begins so it is always from one to the next. Cooking, assisting with homework and of course giving her a little attention for her to express herself. I have reduced energy but I am not giving up.

Respect

Recent experience, I took my daughter to the movies and saw a little boy running up and down I gave my daughter a candy to give to him, “did not want his parents to think I was creepy” his brother came up to me and scream at me “I want one now” so I told him I do not have anymore he proceeds to tell me “there is more in there” pointing to my daughters purse I was so upset I did not know what to do.

 

Today I would like to touch on the topic of discipline of our children, I once heard saying “we need to raise our children for the world not ourselves”. I have single parents friends who I believe are raising monsters.

 

One friend in particular her second born which is a girl has to me and anyone who knows her no discipline. No one can speak to her and she believes that she rules the world and is very selfish and boldface.

Anytime she is spoken to she tells her mother who is then upset that you spoke to her child about her misbehavior, I began to refrain from speaking to the child and so has everyone else that I know and to the best of my knowledge she now has no friend as no one would tolerate having the little girl around.

 

I feel very bad for her because she is a single mother of two who has had a hard life but anytime someone tries to correct the child she says “this is monster and I am sure because she is fem in her beliefs that no one would be able to take advantage of her”.   

Please people let us refrain from spoiling our children so much that they become little monsters. Please, thank you and old mother may I still exists in my world. I believe in disciple and respect for our elders. Let us begin to raise our children for the world and not ourselves.

 

About last week

I am so upset that people send their children to school sick. My daughter just started school and had to stay away because someone sent their child to school ill and she got ill as well. Even though the teacher sent a not home with all the parents telling them to keep sick children home they still send them totally ignoring the fact that they could get other children sick.

When things go bad they go bad fast and all at once. Last week was not a good one for me as I was sick and so was my daughter. I had the Chicungunia and she had the the virus. It is truly tough in these times, because it is just the both of us. Her being sick really had I down I hate seeing her in pain or on that level. She had a nagging fever that kept me up all night replacing the damp cloth to prevent the fever from causing and internal damage and she would not eat either so now she has lost weight.

 

I prayed that I could be sick that she would not have to be, it happened while at work I began to feel as though I was drained and could not hold myself up by the time I got to her Godmothers house to get her I could not move. Children are so beautiful and such a blessing from god her Godmother told her I was sick. When I got up she was right next to me stroking my face and telling me to sleep “do not get up mummy I am taking care of you, you need to get better” it warmer my heart.

Congratulations to a Phenomenal Woman

Not everyone is cut from the same cloth but that does not say that you have to succumb to what society says your cloth is. You can change your lifestyle and what would normally be the norm in your society beginning with yourself. Here is my story!

Growing up in a Single Parent home, I did not understand what it meant. I did not know what a father was, or that kids had one of those. (Laughs) I remember in primary school around father’s day we would have to make cards, my card would always go to my mother without further thought. I respect my mother’s choice back then to not talk about my father due to the harsh situation that involved the relationship between him and my mother and not wanting to be a part of my life then. She saved me a lot of stress and heart ache from a dad that would never care about me.

Being a product of a Single parent home, as I look back meant that we had struggles for money and necessities. My mother placed her life on hold and ensured that I was brought up with dignity and respect in my community. I remember days when we did not have enough to go by and she would feed my and remain undone. When I went to school, or anywhere nobody would have a clue that we did not have enough, because she would always have me neat and well put together. I can never disrespect her or not love her unconditionally for the undying love she bestowed towards me being our sole provider.

My father, or as I often refer to him now “sperm donor” showed up on our door step for the first time in my life at fifteen years of age. My step-sister grandfather had died and he used the opportunity to come back to Trinidad on visit. He resided and still resides in Brooklyn, New York. I was speechless when I saw him and ran away in shock because he was the splitting image of me in a male form, and although I never physically saw him I knew who he was.  I hid for about an hour and realized that my nightmare was real because he sat like nobody’s business chatting with my aunt. I came out and he acted like he was the best man since whenever, I was always a no bullshit type of kid so I read through him, he waited for my mother to come home and asked her for me to come meet my step-sister at the wake. After he left Trinidad, I am now twenty-five and I am yet to see him again. We do not have a cordially relationship because he cannot accept his wrongs, apologize and now that I am an adult move forward. I will not stand for anyone disrespecting my mother to make them look good.

My mother continued to struggle as being the sole provider for us. She would always tell me, “with an education, nobody can ever take it away from you, and our only way out of this poverty is with an education.” That motto transcended in me, although whilst I was younger I did not quite understand it and rebelled a bit; I never made her shame and always vowed to make her proud.  She is my rock and my role model because whilst taking care of me she still did her CXC O’level subjects on the side and got a job proper job as a Supplemental Police. If was not for her strength, and her ability to fight against the odds, and stand for what was right, I could have been a victim of my environment. I could have been what society expected, maybe with a teenage pregnancy, illiteracy or being dependant on a man or society.

Many people have stigma against children growing up in single parent homes, and believe that they cannot do as great as those growing up with both parents. But once the parent has that drive like my college Olivia Andrews to make a difference in your generation and ensure that cycle does not repeat itself, I know it would be a better tomorrow. I see women who are in these situations as phenomenal beings, because it takes greater strength and spirituality to rise above.

Bless

https://www.facebook.com/IamLifestyleKhrys

iamlifestyleks.blogspot.com

Cheating

 

This has become like an epidemic it is now like a disease, in some instances the both parties are cheating on each other sometimes with their knowledge other times without either knowing.

This is a very dangerous game yes I called it a game because to these people it is a game that they play to get a rush of adrenaline. A game of let me see how long I can do it before getting caught unfortunately there are consequences.

·         There is the possibility of someone becoming pregnant

·         Someone can contract a disease and give it to their partner

·         And the all too common one where one person takes the life of the other because of jealousy even though they are both doing it.

Before you cheat please think about the consequences and consider if this is the road that you want to travel, if it were done to you how you would feel and the emotional well being of the other person in the relationship.

·         If you feel the urge to cheat please don’t just exit the relationship you are in before starting another.

·         Do not toy with the emotions of another human being it is impolite and very dangerous thing which can become volatile.

If you feel as though you are not having all your needs and expectation met then sit down with your partner and discuss it if it is something that cannot be resolved and you are not willing to stay in the relationship because the odds are insurmountable please do it gently and with respect.

With the advent of socialmedia sites there has been a rise in incidents of infidelity as now you do not have to go out to find someone it can happen im the comfort of your home right under your nose.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JVt4DP-mKI

Sometimes these relationships involve children please people if you cannot make it break it do not fight in front of your children it affects them in ways you cannot even begin to imagine.

 

 

Navigating Single Parenthood

By Christine Dalkan

When I was expecting my son, I made many plans for him and all these plans included his father. However, circumstances led me to leave the relationship and suddenly one day, I became a single mother with a one year old child.

Suddenly, because of the strained relationship between my ex and myself, I found myself burdened with all the responsibilities of parenting. Today, my friends who are new mothers ask me in awe, “how did you do it?” Well firstly, I took a step each day toward accepting what had been my life and what my reality now was. Trying to take it all in at once is impossible.

I also reached out to my support group, which included one person – my mother. I always let her know when I was feeling overwhelmed or felt to give up. That way, she understood what I was going through and supported me as best she could.

I was a first year, part-time student at COSTAATT South Campus at the time and I lived and worked in Chaguanas. My days consisted of eight hours of work, three hours of class on evenings and then coming home to take care of my son and do homework.

I did five classes per semester which meant I had classes from Monday to Friday, I lacked sleep and there was a great chance that my child would soon start to think his grandmother was his mother because I was always busy.

Then, as time went on and I became more mature, I learnt to prioritise and juggle everything. I realised I didn’t have to do five classes per semester and that I was losing precious time with my son who would never be this age again.

I sat down and worked out a schedule. Obviously, work was high priority, as I was the breadwinner in my family. I did fewer classes per semester, which meant less homework and more time to spend with my son. On weekends, I planned fun things to do with my child, for example, taking him to the park. I read bedtime stories to him at night. And I finally started getting some sleep.

At least once a month, I made time for myself and did something fun that I would enjoy. Being a single parent and sole breadwinner, my budget did not allow for extravagant moments, however, I managed to find fun things within my expenditure. Sometimes it was simply having my eyebrows done, sometimes I did a simple at-home, do-it-yourself pedicure or allotted myself half hour per day to read a good book.

These things may seem ineffective but they helped my keep my sanity. I am not saying if you follow my means, you will achieve the same end but I am saying – take a deep breath when you become overwhelmed. Reach out to your loved ones, do not try to be a hero and bear your struggles alone. Your family may be willing to offer support but the problem is – you haven’t asked. And do not try to do everything at once.

Above all, love your child and love yourself.  This can be a mental struggle for you and that is why you have to find little ways to be happy, contented and mentally healthy. Because if you aren’t, it may affect your performance at work and worst of all, you may project it onto your child.

Remember, as a single parent, two things you do not want to lose are your source of income and your child.

Take each day at a time and you can be the best parent you never thought you could be.

This post was contributed by fellow blogger Christine Dalkan. You can visit her blog at http://lilbookish.blogspot.com/