Navigating Single Parenthood

By Christine Dalkan

When I was expecting my son, I made many plans for him and all these plans included his father. However, circumstances led me to leave the relationship and suddenly one day, I became a single mother with a one year old child.

Suddenly, because of the strained relationship between my ex and myself, I found myself burdened with all the responsibilities of parenting. Today, my friends who are new mothers ask me in awe, “how did you do it?” Well firstly, I took a step each day toward accepting what had been my life and what my reality now was. Trying to take it all in at once is impossible.

I also reached out to my support group, which included one person – my mother. I always let her know when I was feeling overwhelmed or felt to give up. That way, she understood what I was going through and supported me as best she could.

I was a first year, part-time student at COSTAATT South Campus at the time and I lived and worked in Chaguanas. My days consisted of eight hours of work, three hours of class on evenings and then coming home to take care of my son and do homework.

I did five classes per semester which meant I had classes from Monday to Friday, I lacked sleep and there was a great chance that my child would soon start to think his grandmother was his mother because I was always busy.

Then, as time went on and I became more mature, I learnt to prioritise and juggle everything. I realised I didn’t have to do five classes per semester and that I was losing precious time with my son who would never be this age again.

I sat down and worked out a schedule. Obviously, work was high priority, as I was the breadwinner in my family. I did fewer classes per semester, which meant less homework and more time to spend with my son. On weekends, I planned fun things to do with my child, for example, taking him to the park. I read bedtime stories to him at night. And I finally started getting some sleep.

At least once a month, I made time for myself and did something fun that I would enjoy. Being a single parent and sole breadwinner, my budget did not allow for extravagant moments, however, I managed to find fun things within my expenditure. Sometimes it was simply having my eyebrows done, sometimes I did a simple at-home, do-it-yourself pedicure or allotted myself half hour per day to read a good book.

These things may seem ineffective but they helped my keep my sanity. I am not saying if you follow my means, you will achieve the same end but I am saying – take a deep breath when you become overwhelmed. Reach out to your loved ones, do not try to be a hero and bear your struggles alone. Your family may be willing to offer support but the problem is – you haven’t asked. And do not try to do everything at once.

Above all, love your child and love yourself.  This can be a mental struggle for you and that is why you have to find little ways to be happy, contented and mentally healthy. Because if you aren’t, it may affect your performance at work and worst of all, you may project it onto your child.

Remember, as a single parent, two things you do not want to lose are your source of income and your child.

Take each day at a time and you can be the best parent you never thought you could be.

This post was contributed by fellow blogger Christine Dalkan. You can visit her blog at http://lilbookish.blogspot.com/